Not Quite Hate
by Random Slytherin 1
Summary: *Chapters 5 & 6 up!--COMPLETE!* Not quite chapters, not quite seperate fics, but Harry and Draco musings all the same.
1. Not the Same

Ha ha, the Slytherin strikes yet again! This is part one of…I think it was six or seven parts. Not quite chapters, really, but not different fics, either. Draco and Harry musings and whatnot, with a bit of Ron thrown in for variety. I finished this one a few months ago, just never got around to typing it up. Anyone interested in seeing the rest?

This is the beginning of my 'Not Quite Hate' series. It was supposed to be three parts, each with a three-word title. I kept to the three words…it just got a bit longer than I'd expected. ^^;

Rating: PG-13, just to be safe.

Disclaimer: I own myself, my cat, and a bit of pocket lint. That's all.

Not the Same

Of course I hate him. Why shouldn't I?

Because he's the stupid Boy Who Loved? Hah. I could care less, really. Or because he's good at Quidditch? So am I. I've been playing Quidditch since before he even knew he was a wizard.

But of course, I'm not famous. I didn't live through Voldemort's curse even before I was old enough to remember it. People know my family's name, but they hold it with very little regard. My father was one of the first to 'turn back to the good side' after Voldemort's defeat. Father always has been a wonderful liar. I wonder what the stuffy old wizards at the Ministry would think if they were to find out what Father **really** keeps hidden around the house.

But really, that's not important. I'm not Harry Potter, so obviously I'm not important, either. Unless, of course, you ask any other Slytherin, who hates him almost as much as I do. 

Almost. No one hates him more than I do. No one has been so humiliated by him, so infuriated by him. No one has had him shun their friendship not once, but twice. 

I wanted to be his friend at one point; his ally. Instead he chose a Mudblood and a Weasel. He wanted to be put into any house but Slytherin, even though everyone knows he could have been wonderful here. Anywhere but Slytherin. Anywhere but with me.

Twice he turned me away when I extended a hand of camaraderie. No one says 'no' to a Malfoy. Not even harry Potter. 

Even now, as I sit in Potions class, paying less attention than usual, do I hate him. I hate the way he always sits between his stupid friends, chatting to them as if no one else mattered. I hate the way he always manages to set his potions right, no matter how much Snape degrades him and makes things difficult for him.

And I hate the way he always turns his head just a bit to look at me, when he thinks I don't know he's watching. But I know; I always know. How could I not feel his glowing green eyes piercing my flesh, digging into me deeper than even I myself dare to go? Its amusing, the way he thinks no one notices.

Maybe I was wrong. No one who acts so blatantly would be able to make t in Slytherin. The whole school knows he travels about the castle at night, thinking himself quite clever with that invisibility cloak of his. He never realizes that half the time I follow him around, hidden underneath my own cloak that I made Father buy for me just before second year. If he wasn't to keep secrets he should learn to be a bit quieter. You don't have to see someone to know that they're there. Especially when they stumble around in the dark making more noise than they do in the light. 

Why do I follow him like I do? Why do I keep track of everything he does?

He's become my most hated obsession. I know everything he does, when he does it, and whom he does it with. Unsuspecting Hufflepuffs make good spies when either bribed or under the right threats. 

He's never kissed a girl, though I myself was that Mudblood kiss him on the cheek at the end of fourth year. I rather think it was one of pith and friendship, as she decided to announce herself dating Weasley in the middle of lunch one day last year. 

Is it strange that I know every aspect of that miserable boy's five and a half years at Hogwarts? I think I rather know him better than himself, as he often takes on a rather confused look when he's thinking to himself. He does it especially in Potion, and then he looks at me with those strange eyes of his. 

Does he hate me as much as he puts on? Why shouldn't he? He's Gryffindor, I'm Slytherin; that alone is grounds enough to hate each other. So why does he look at me the way he does? The way he is now? I turn my head to catch his eye, and I give him a lovely sneer. I know he watches me as I watch him. He turns back to the front of the class, his cheeks matching Weasley's hair. A strange boy, that one is.

He always blushed when I catch him looking. Maybe it's not me he stares at? I glance around the room to see who else it might be. Certainly not Crabbe or Goyle, and I shudder to think that anyone might look at Pansy in such a way. Honestly, most of the Slytherins are a rather unattractive bunch. But I suppose that not everyone can simultaneously have good looks and incredible wealth. Most of them chose wealth; I was lucky enough to be gifted with both, and a decent mind, to boot. 

Its no secret that I'm the second 'Most Lusted-After Wizard in Hogwarts,' even beating out all the seventh years. One guess as to whom the first is, and its certainly not Weasley. Though somehow he managed to rank quite high on most lists, as did his stupid older brothers before they graduated. I don't know how they did it…it must be all that unsightly red hair. I don't pretend to understand girls, and I don't want to.

They tried to get my opinion on the top five witches that I thought were attractive. I told them all to go to hell. I think it's quite ridiculous to rate a person entirely on their looks. Besides that, girls don't interest me. They're vapid and boring, and they giggle at the smallest thing, even if it isn't even remotely amusing. Girls can go to hell, too.

He's looking at me again. Why does he always look at me like that? Sometimes it almost looks as if he's going to cry. For me? I doubt it. Wouldn't that be amusing though? The Great Harry Potter, shedding even a single tear for a person like me. It's laughable, really. If he hates me as he should, why does he look at me so? Does he really hate me like he says he does? Or does he simply rise up to the challenge every time I present him with one? 

I can't stand him. Because he doesn't hate me the same way I hate him.

Ende part 1.

Yes, short, I know. That's why you need more! C'mon, you know you want more…just hit that 'Review' button and tell me. ^-^; Heck, even if you hated it and you think I'm stupid, tell me. ^-^

-=Keiran Shea=-

-Random Slytherin #1


	2. If I Fall

Chapter two is finally here! erm..all pervious disclaimers and whatnot apply. ^^;

****

If I Fall

If I fall will he catch me? Or will he watch and laugh as I fall to my final end?

Do I care? Should I care?

If I fall would he know? Of course he would know; everyone would. But would he care? Do I want him to care? He whom has made my life miserable for almost six years? He whom haunts me at night, even from hundreds of miles away while he is asleep and unaware? 

Does he know how much I hate him? Or rather, how much I don't? I hated him once, I'm sure I did. I still do.

I hate the way he makes me look at him, the way he draws my eyes from across the room by simply breathing. 

He can even make a class I really enjoy into something miserable. He makes me watch him in Care of Magical Creatures as a usually boy-shy unicorn foal tries to nuzzle up to him. He seems afraid of it almost, though I think its not because the foal actually scares him, but he's afraid that it might ruin his image.

Hagrid told us that they only like pure, good people; they wont touch most of the Slytherin girls, and none of the boys.

All but one. Why him? Why of all people him? I suppose I should laugh at him like Ron is doing. After all, the unicorn seems to think that he's a good person despite being both male and Slytherin. 

Another reason for me to hate him. One would think the unicorn would be more attracted to me than to him. It must be sick. Though...I'm really not the person everyone makes me out to be. I feel pride and hate and fear...maybe even love? I know he can't feel love; it's not in his blood to feel such emotions. All he knows is pride and anger and hate.

Hate towards me, simply because I am the Boy Who Lived. I certainly did not ask for that title. I would much rather be plain old Harry Potter, not the Bow Who Lived and Was Obsessed With His Rival. If I weren't who I am, and he wasn't who is, would he still hate me? Would he have reason to insult me and to make every possible attempt to hurt me? 

Or could we have been friends? I'd never had friends before Ron and Hermione. If He hadn't been so terrible...I might have allowed myself to be sorted into Slytherin. And certainly we wouldn't hate each other so much then, right?

I'm like a moth to his cold flame. I want so desperately to get closer, but I know that it will only hurt me to do so. There is a thin pane of glass between us, my flame and I. His icy burning draws me near, coaxes me into looking, staring, beating on the unshatterable glass that he coolly ignores. 

I hate him, I know I do. That's why I watch him. To make sure he doesn't hurt me. Not that he doesn't anyway... He hurts me without trying. Stupid Malfoy. It's all his fault; if it wasn't for him...I'm not sure. I wouldn't have a rival. Everyone needs a rival, right? 

If it wasn't for him...I might be able to love someone. It's not important now, not really; I'm only 16, after all. I had a crush on Cho Chang once, but that went away after Fourth year. She was pretty and she played Quidditch, why shouldn't I have liked her? But...it wasn't right somehow. She was a crush, not someone I could love.

Someone to love...I love Ron and I love Hermione, but its a different kind of love. Hermione is attractive enough, but she's in love with Ron. I think they've both rather fancied each other since the 'Fluffy Incident' in First year.

Besides that, I'm not sure I quite fancy girls in the way that I should. Perhaps...I fancy boys? I know that it's not uncommon; Ron told me a few years ago about the twins and their friend, Lee. Seems that the twins really do share *everything*. So then boy-love is ok; Wizards are much more accepting of it than Muggles.

But even if I do fancy boys...I hate Malfoy. He always makes me look at him! That cold flame...I can't help it. All shades of black and white and silver-gray; like a beautiful marble statue, cold and aloof with a heart to match the cold exterior. But he's not beautiful, he too angular to be beautiful. He's...why am I even thinking this?

I hate him. Because he hates me. Because he makes me miserable when he's close to me and even more so when he's not. Stupid prat. Every holiday I'm miserable, no matter how much my friends try to cheer me up. Especially now that Ron and Hermione are together; they're still my friends, but I always feel like an extra wheel. If only I had someone...even if it were only Malfoy to bother me. 

I was terribly bored this Christmas. Hermione decided to stay with Ron and me this year, so they were always off together, leaving me behind. Malfoy was gone, of course... that bloody git wouldn't leave me alone.

It's worse when I'm alone. He invades my thoughts with his pale skin and silvery hair... But I hate him. He hates me. I can't stop thinking about him, staring at him.... Why wont he let me go? Its almost as if he's cast a spell on me...

Sometimes I want to go to him. Not to hurt him or to make fun of him but to...But I don't think about that. Nor do I question myself on whether or not his skin would taste like ice, or if my lips on his would create a fire to melt him.

If I fall, he wouldn't care. Because I hate him.

If I fall, he would laugh.

Because he hates me differently then I hate him.

Owari! ^-^

v. 1.0: 1.17.01

v. 2.0: 8.16.02

Yay! I know people have been wanting this, so...here's the next chapter! XD This was supposed to only be three parts, really!! Three parts, three words in each title, three characters... Didn't happen. I think there's six parts. Next up: Ron gets to vent, and talks about Harry's 'Squishy Kitty Face.' ^-^;; I'd like to have all of this posted by the time I leave for college Wednesday morning. Wish me luck! . If you really wanna see it up by then, you've gotta give me lots of love. I have chocolate-covered Gryffindors this time! They're a little more willing to be dipped in chocolate than the Slytherins were...especially Seamus! ^.~

I love you guys lots! T-T You're all so great, especially for actually reading all these extra notes... A chocolate-covered Lupin shall be thrown in! XD

-=Keiran Shea=-

-a very nervous Random Sltherin


	3. Hating Them Both

My my, just look at that...everyone hates everyone else, don't they? Well, its not *really* hate, you know, but... Yes, well. It's Ron's turn now. This was supposed to be the last part, but, well... Draco and Harry just wouldn't leave me alone. -.-;

I said in the last chapter that it was written in '01...that was wrong. ^^; It was '02, with the rest of this fic. . I just...yeah. No worries though, I plan to go over all of my fics and completely re-haul them after I get all nice and settled in to University. ^-^ I went back over some of them, and..wow. Lots of typing errors and such. Stuff that the spell checker didn't catch, you know. Grr...anyone wanna Beta? ^-^;;

Disclaimers and whatnot still apply.

****

Hating Them Both

He's not paying attention to me, he never does. Instead, he's off in Happy Malfoy Land. Yuck. 

"Hay, Harry, I'm pregnant."

"That's nice, Ron."

You see? He's ignoring me. "It's your child."

"Ok."

He hasn't heard a word I've said for the past twenty minutes or so. Of course, this means that he hasn't heard anything Snape has said, either. I give it about another five before Snape starts taking away points for Harry not paying attention.

He's my best friend, but sometimes I hate him so much... He's in love with Malfoy and he doesn't even know it. I didn't notice at first either, though; Hermione was the one that pointed it out to me. But once she actually said something, I figure I must have been blind not to see it. The way Harry always stares at that stupid git... It's no wonder Harry's never dated girls; he likes boys!

I don't mind that Harry likes guys. Hell, the twins have been going at it with Lee Jordan since their third year. Both at the same time, even, I think. But I really don't want to think about that. Ever. It's fine that Harry likes boys... But why Malfoy?

He treats Harry like crap. Of all the people in the whole world, Harry picks the one that hates him the most to fall for. I hate him for that, for loving someone so terrible. I hate him for ignoring me to stare at him, and not even know that he's in love.

He's still staring, and eventually Malfoy turns around and gives Harry that sneer that only a Malfoy can do. I hate Malfoy. I hate him for causing pain to my best friend in ways that he doesn't even know. I hate him for being such a prat and not loving Harry.

He makes Harry blush and finally turn back to me, though I know it's only because he doesn't want Malfoy to catch him staring again. Harry gives me a feeble grin that I return, but inside I want anything but to smile. Inside I want to hit my best friend and tell him to stop being so stupid. Malfoy doesn't love him back and he never will. So why does Harry keep torturing himself like this? Why couldn't he have fallen for someone normal? Colin Creevey isn't such a bad kid, and he's been obsessed with Harry since his first year. Or maybe Dean or Seamus, I'll bet they're a bit dodgy.

Oh hell, he's back to staring at that slimy git again! Harry, what do you see in him? I suppose he must be attractive if he's the second highest person on the boys list...but are you really so shallow as to only like a person for their looks?

Well, listen to me. The boy who had a new crush every month until Hermione whacked me over the head and told me I was in love with her. I guess I was being as dumb as Harry, wasn't I? I reckon I've liked Hermione since First year; I've just been too thick to realize it. 

Is that what Harry needs? A good whack on the head? 'Hey, Harry, don't look now, but you're in love with Malfoy. By the way, don't bother, because he hates your guts and will never love you back.' Yes, that would go over really nicely, wouldn't it?

I really hate Harry right now. He's still looking at Malfoy and using his Squishy Kitty Face. The one that says 'I'm a cute, squishy kitten and I want to be close to you, but you're a human and I'm a kitty, so I can't.' I wonder if he even knows that he makes that face? Did I ever make that face at Hermione? It's rather cute, I guess, in its sick little way.

Hey! Malfoy! Look at Harry, why don't you? Don't you know that he fancies you, you moron? I yell at him in my head, knowing that he'll never hear me. Fine then, I hate you anyway! Go on, keep on ignoring what's right in front of your face. It doesn't hurt you any, does it? Bastard.

And Harry, too. Just get over him, and you'll be ok, really. Fall for someone else, anyone else! Just don't...

Malfoy looks our way again, once more catching Harry staring. This time Harry faces the front, blush spreading out towards each ear, but Malfoy doesn't turn away. That miserable... I know that he follows Harry around sometimes. Hufflepuffs make good double agents, though I could never afford to pay them like Malfoy does. Luckily for me, they're very easy to...'lead in the right direction.'

Why the hell does he follow Harry around though? More ways of getting him in trouble, I reckon. Bloody prat. As if he doesn't do enough damage as it is. He's looking at Harry now, but his usual smirk is gone. It's odd, he looks like...maybe he's thinking about something. It's a little like Harry's Squishy Kitty Face. Hmm....

Impossible. That miserable git hates Harry even more than Snape does. He must be plotting something again, the stupid ferret. You leave my friend alone, or I swear I'll...

I'll have to talk to Hermione about this, she knows everything. Though I have to admit, she's not that great with emotions and feelings; she's mostly logic and book-smarts. 

Hey! Why do I need her help? I'm a smart guy, I can figure things out for myself. Though, if I'm right with where my thoughts are going, I don't think I like it too much. Malfoy is displaying much of the same behaviour as Harry--hey, that sounded rather smart, didn't it? Percy isn't the only Weasley that can figure things out.

But if Malfoy is stalking Harry and looking at him with the Squishy Kitty Face...Couldn't be. He hates Harry, and Harry hates him, too. Though Harry's hate turned into an obsession...

Maybe Malfoy is the same way? Wouldn't that be funny? They both want each other, but don't know it. Yeah, it's funny. 

I hate them both.

Because they hate each other.

Owari! ^-^

v.1.0: 1.20.02

v.2.0: 8.19.02

Kweh. Ron isn't the brightest crayon in the box... But he's working at it. ^^; Go, Ron, go! When I first wrote this I though about doing a bit for Hermione, but, really, I don't see her with nearly as much 'hate' as the boys. ^^;

Now, let us keep this in mind: Harry and Draco *do* fancy each other, though they still haven't *quite* grasped this idea for themselves yet. Their 'hate' is more like...well, you know. Ron, on the other hand, has no 'squishy' feelings for either of them. He's Harry's best mate, so he has...friendly-love. We've all hated our best friends before; it comes with having a best friend. x.x So his hate is a 'You're my best mate, but you're being a moron' kind of thing. He just...hates Malfoy, pretty much. -.-;;

La~ So then, my lovelies, is the third installment of what should have been ended here. Aren't you glad that it isn't? Still several more chapters to go...It's 1:30am right now... Let's see if I can't bang out another chapter before I crash. ^^; Next up, the good stuff...or at least, getting to it. ^.~;

I know you want to press that button down there...it makes me oh-so-happy. ^__^

*'Kweh' is the noise that Chocobos make in _Final Fantasy_ IX and X...and maybe in VIII. Before that they said 'Wark.' Useless _Final Fantasy_ trivia for you, if you haven't played any of them, if you haven't, you should!! .*

-=Keiran=-


	4. Why We Fight

And here we have the fourth installment...is it done yet? @-@ No! Still more to go! XD This time I've changed things up a bit...very *very* short bits from Draco, then Harry, respectively, going back and forth. No more Ron (sorry, Ron fans) cause he is no longer important to this fic. ^^;

Insert disclaimers and whatnot here

****

Why We Fight

Why do I always fight with him? In spite of what I say, what I *should* feel, I don't like to see him upset when we fight. It makes me feel funny inside. Pride and pain sparkle in those emerald eyes and I do it to see that sparkle, though it hurts us both.

I hate him, yet I obsess over his very being. I want to punch him and then I want to kiss him, and then punch him again for making me feel that way. 

I think that Weasley has got me figured out though. Sometimes he looks at me with a mixture of hate, disgust, and pain, and it's different then when he just looks at me with hate in his eyes. Do I disgust him because he thinks I fancy his precious little Harry? Good. Let him think that. He's wrong, but let him think that.

Because I hate Potter more than anyone, any thing that I have ever hated in my life. That is why I have to fight.

****

Why does he always pick on me? Is there no one else in this school that he can fight with? Or am I the only one that will actually stand up to him and present a challenge? 

I wish he would throw himself off the Astronomy Tower... At least that way I wouldn't be forced to stare at him so much. Then I could get on with my life, maybe find someone that I fancy, and never have to think about Malfoy again.

Ron tried to tell me once, about a week ago, that I I fancy Malfoy. Said that that was why I always stare at him. What does Ron know? Maybe I do fancy boys, but certainly not Malfoy. He's too cold, too heartless.

Maybe Ron just got a bad batch of Pumpkin Pasties, or the twins sent him something from their joke shop to make him temporarily crazy.

So what if Malfoy is attractive? He's still an arse, and he still hates me. So why should I care about him? He's so cold... But when we fight there's a flame behind his eyes that I'm drawn to. A cold flame that I want to touch. I'm not sure if it would burn or freeze, I just know that I want to touch it. But to see that flame, I have to fight.

**

It's almost midnight, his favourite time to go out. I promised myself I wouldn't follow him anymore...

My feet have a mind of their own. By the time the picture of the fat lady swings closed seemingly by itself, I have already been standing in the shadows for almost five minutes. Not that the invisible need shadows to hide them. I reach into my pocket and pull out a tiny canister of glitter; I'm surprised that he's never noticed them falling from his cloak, but I suppose they've all fallen off by the time he gets back to his dorm each night. 

As his soft footsteps pass by I throw a bit of the sparkles onto his back and replace the canister. I don't dare use magic to track him; he might feel it, and then where would the fun be? I wonder where he'll go tonight as I follow the floating sparkles down the corridor. The lake, maybe, or perhaps up to the roof of the Astronomy Tower? He often spends time up there, looking at the stars, completely unaware that I sit only feet away. 

Close enough to hit him. Close enough to hurt him. Close enough to touch him.

I hate him. I want to hurt him so badly right now. It would be so easy just to reach out with my foot and...

**

Someone is following me again. The same someone who always follows me. I think they believe me not to know. But I always know.

Let's go somewhere different tonight, shall we? I no longer need the Map to show me all the hidden places within Hogwarts; my feet unconsciously lead me down and into one of the long passages out of the castle that leads into Hogsmeade. I've no business there tonight, but I have no intention of walking the full length tonight, anyway.

I rather wonder who it is that follows me. It's not another Gryffindor...a Ravenclaw, maybe? Certainly not a Slytherin; they would have turned me in years ago.

'Maybe its Malfoy,' a tiny little part of my brain whispers. I quickly tell it to shut up. Why would Malfoy follow me, if not to get me into trouble? He would have snitched on me the first time he saw me out after hours. Besides, does he even own an Invisibility Cloak or anything like it? I reckon he's rich enough to get one though. All he would have to do was whine to his father.

'Harry Potter has an Invisibility Cloak! I want one, too!' Sounds like something he would say. Always has to be better than me, doesn't he? I become Seeker, he becomes Seeker. I (finally) get high marks in Potions, he continues to get even higher marks.

Have I mentioned yet that Malfoy should jump off the Astronomy Tower? Maybe I could call him out there one night. All it would need is one little push...

**

Where the hell are you going now, Potter? I've been following him for years and he's never taken this passageway before. I didn't even know that it existed until now. It's dark here. It would be so easy to just...

But I've left my wand back in the room. Wouldn't that be fun though? Potter goes missing for weeks, and only I know where he is. But then I'd most likely get pinned with murder.

Ah, wouldn't Father be proud? His only heir, locked up for life for killing Harry Potter. Then he wouldn't be the Boy Who Lived anymore, would he? I have to hold back a laugh; it wouldn't do for Potter to find me out this early in the game, would it?

Stupid Potter. I can't believe he still doesn't know that I follow him. Or even if he does know, he doesn't know that it's me. I never turn him in though; then whom would I follow? Besides, if I turn him in, the Professors would know that I leave the dorms after hours, too. Worse than being locked up for killing Potter would be getting expelled from school for following Potter. It's an entirely moral dilemma, and I hate him for making me have to make such a decision.

Rat on him and reveal myself, or let him be and continue to indulge myself?

Well, I have always been rather hedonistic. If it pleases me, I do it. That's the way Malfoys work.

It pleases me to see Potter angry, to see him hurt. I'm invisible. He'd never know that it was me...

Owari! ^-^

v.1.0: 1.21.02

v.2.0: 8. 19.02

Yay! Just a few more to go... My tummy hurts. T-T 

Review, blah blah blah...yeah. @-@


	5. Between Hate and...

Well then, lovelies, just two more parts, then its finished. Aren't you so pleased? Ril-san asked that I do a fic in parts rather than the short one shots that I've been putting out lately. After this, (once I'm settled into University, since I leave tomorrow night late) I think I'll start up on that Lucius/Harry/Draco bit that I just finished. Well...its mostly just Lucius/Harry, but there's a cute Harry/Draco bit at the end. ^^;

Anyway! Here goes, chapter...four? Five? I have no clue... o.O We're starting out with Mr. Potter this time. ^^

****

Between Hate and...

I'm tired. So tired of it all. Not physically, no, but I sit down nonetheless. I don't know what my shadow is doing; I don't really care. I consider taking off my cloak, but it's a bit cold down here so I decided against it, at least for now. 

Cold. The stone pressing into my back, the ground on which I sit...both cold. Like his eyes. Even when his eyes flare up with anger they're cold. Just once, I'd like to...

To what? Don't be stupid, Harry. You hate Malfoy, Malfoy hates you. Whoever it is that's following you surely likes you much more than Malfoy ever will.

That would make sense, wouldn't it? They follow me about because they fancy me? Who might it be though? I'm rather sure that it's no one from Gryffindor, so that rules out the Creevey brothers. Parvati's sister, maybe? Doubtful; neither of them wanted much to do with Ron or me since the Yule Ball in Fourth year.

Maybe it's Malfoy. Wouldn't that be ironic? To have him follow me the way I do him? Again, doubtful. We hate each other, the whole school knows it. But I don't hate him like he hates me. I hate him because I...

I what? Stare after him? Obsess over him? Actually enjoy fighting over him just to hear him speak? We've only fought physically once before. I want to do it again.

**

Why is he sitting there? I know he's sitting because the sparkles moved, then lowered themselves. What's he doing? Thinking? Crying? Laughing because he knows that it's me but wont say anything?

I don't know ho long I stand there, staring at the wall. The only indication that someone is there is the tiny little sparkles that dust the back of his cloak. What should I do? Sit down? Remain standing?

After a small eternity the air ripples and Potter finally reveals himself. He is sitting against the wall of the passage, knees pulled up to his chest and arms wrapped tightly around his legs. I sit directly in front of him, mimicking his positing, and he stares directly at me, as if he can see through my cloak.

Why am I here? It must be close to one in the morning, at the very least, yet I'm sitting in an empty, unknown passageway across from my most hated enemy. I must be insane.

Not just a bit crazy, but absolutely mad. I want to reach across the narrow passage and slap that wistful look right off his face. It's the same kind of look he gives me when he knows that I'm there but doesn't know that I'm looking.

It sickens me. He stares right through me, and after a moment his mouth moves but emits no sound.

Maybe I'm not the only insane one.

**

Who are you?

I don't think the words were voiced, but I know that my mouth moved. Why won't he make himself visible? I have.

I'm rather sure now that it's a 'he'. Now that I think about it, from listening to the footprints night after night, it must be a boy that follows me. Though soft like mine, they're too heavy and...not-girlish. Most girls have a delicate way of walking. He...glides, almost. No, more of a saunter, I think.

Either way, I'm rather sure it's a boy. But then, maybe it isn't someone who fancies me after all. I don't know of anyone who is...so inclined.

So who is it? This time I voice my question, yet he says nothing. Did I expect him to? "At least tell me if you're a boy or girl then? And from what House?"

I don't think he's going to answer. Just my luck, my stalker is going to remain forever anonymous.

"I don't see why its any difference to you, Potter."

Finally, a voice! Definitely male, most likely above the Fourth year, as it's lower than someone from a younger year would have. Though...he called me 'Potter' and only Slytherins do that, if they speak to me at all. My heart flutters against my will as my traitorous brain conjures up the image of a certain silver-haired Slytherin.

The voice is familiar, but... Stop being ridiculous, Harry. Just because Ron thinks that you fancy Malfoy doesn't mean that you really do. And it certainly doesn't mean that he returns the feeling. The one that isn't there, mind you.

Still, I can have fun with this. "You're a boy then, Not a Slytherin, I hope?"

"Hnn. Wouldn't a Slytherin have turned you in by now?"

"Very true, very true. I don't suppose you made this years 'Most Lusted-After Wizards' list, did you? Only two Slytherins made it, you know, though Malfoy hardly counts for anything, does he?"

**

He's trying to bait me. How clever. No matter though, I, too, can play. "And what's wrong with Malfoy? He must be something to look at, if he made the second position. Blaise Zabini isn't so bad looking, either, if you think about it," It's rather strange referring to oneself in the third person. I must be careful though; he may not be the brightest boy in school, but he's no Longbottem, either.

"Second to me. Am I really that attractive? I never thought myself as so; quite the opposite, really."

No. "Yes." Damn you, traitorous mouth! I do not find Potter in the least bit attractive. I still hate him, how can I think something like that? And he *certainly* is not more attractive when he blushes like that. "You ask too many questions." If he doesn't ask, I don't have to answer.

"Really?" He seems rather interested now. "Do you fancy other boys then?"

Of course not. I fancy no one. "No." Good mouth. "Only you." Please excuse me while I sink into the floor. I most certainly do not like him. If I did fancy boys--which I it--it certainly would not be someone like him. Even if every girl in the school--and several boys, I'm sure--think he's the most attractive!

I must have a masochistic streak in me. Here I am, telling the Boy Who Lived that I'm attracted to him. I'm not though. Not at all.

"Please tell me who you are? Your year, House, anything?'

He most certainly is not cute when he blushes and plays with the hem of his pajama top like that. Because I'm not attracted to him.

I hate him, but...

Owari! ^-^

v.1.0: 1.21.02

v.2.0: 8.20.02

Yesh!! Only one part left!! Aah, I'm so proud of myself. Though this is by no means one of my longer fics (only about 13,00 words, compared to my 16,00+ words-and-still-going Weiß Kreuz fic) I like it rather much. ^-^ Expect to see longer fics from me in the future, when I actually get around to typing them and/or finishing them... But no more chapter fics. x.x When I do chapter installments people sometimes tend to go for my head when I don't put out another chapter quickly. I think it's been about 2 or 3 months since my last installment of 'Crimson' at the very least. . (If you like vampires and Weiß-though mostly Schwarz-and lotssa yummy smoochies and sex go read it! XD) 

Only 31 hours til my plane leaves...at 7am. . Meaning I'll have to be at the airport (an hour away from my house) by 6. Grr...I just wont sleep. x.x Wish me luck, lovelies! Next time I post something (after this fic, of course) I shall be in the far far lands of West Virginia. ^^;


	6. No Longer Playing

Ugh...last chapter. Finally. I'm really rather ready for this to be done with. This is the longest, too! Yay!

I got my first real flame…kinda! ^^; It was from my 'Happy for You' fic, but I think I'll share it here:

Harry and Ron is one of the grossest couples. They're like brothers, it's like being a guy and screwing your brother. I'm not against gays or anything but we know that Harry and Ron are heterosexuals. Harry likes Cho, duh, and Ron seems to like Hermione. So yeah. Good fic for what it is. You really do need to build it up a bit more for it to work though, or at least explain how it first started. Yeah, Harry and Ron slash...rrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhtttttttttttttttttttttt!

--incendio

::giggle:: Flamers are so silly, aren't they? Hmm, now, I *know* that I said I didn't like Harry/Ron…people don't listen, do they? And I'm sure that it's nice that they found my fic while looking for a Hermione/Ron..but…I *did* say right off that it was a Harry/Ron. Oh well…not, I am a true slash writer. ^-^

To everyone who has kept up with me so far--thanks! I love you guys. 

****

No Longer Playing

This isn't fun anymore. Because now I know. I ant play this game anymore. I couldn't place the voice until now because it was muffled under an Invisibility Cloak.

I should have known. This whole time, I've been so stupid! I should have listened to Ron for once. Even though he's almost never right...he said Hermione thought the same, and she's almost never wrong! Please, please say something that will prove that you aren't...

"Hufflepuff, Fifth year."

I can feel my whole body relax, though something still gnaws at my stomach. I really don't know any of the Fifth year Hufflepuffs, save those on their Quidditch team. 

SO it's not Malfoy then. Of course it isn't, how could I ever have thought that it was? Not that I wanted it to be Malfoy...

Would it be so terrible? If Malfoy fancied me? It can't be true though, the way he makes my life a living Hell. I fight back...but only because I have to. Because I enjoy it.

Maybe...it wouldn't be so terrible if maybe I fancied him, just a bit. He *is* the most attractive boy in Hogwarts, after all. I don't count. But he's so cruel, so cold...

I have to keep up the game though, if its not Malfoy, all the better. If it is, he's a rather good actor. I cock my head to one side, pondering. "Well then, at least you aren't Malfoy, right?"

"Again, what's so wrong with Malfoy? Surely you must find him a bit attractive; everyone else does. I've never seen you with a girl besides your friend...I assume that you prefer boys?"

Amah, the big question. Do I prefer boys? Yes, I suppose I do. Do I find Malfoy attractive? Perhaps... But you don't have to like someone for them to be visually pleasing. Merlin knows that he isn't very pleasing otherwise. I turn the tables back on my invisible companion, "I don't see why it matters to you."

Ah. Damn. He does have a point. Why would a Hufflepuff care if Potter finds me attractive or not? Why should I care, for that matter? 

I don't, of course. It's only my mouth that says I do. I'm sleepy; I can't control everything that I say. "It doesn't matter, of course, I was only curious. But maybe you shouldn't think so badly of him. I don't think that it's his fault that he's such an arse."

He laughs, but its more like a low cough, "Why wouldn't it be? No one tells him to be mean to me, do they? No one tells him to hate me."

Yes, I hate him. How could I not? Because he's so perfect, so...damn. I want to hit him. And to touch him Stupid.

Those bright green eyes stare through me, illuminated by the dim light of this tiny passage. I could reach my bare feet across the passage and touch him.. Wouldn't that be interesting; a pair of disembodied feet floating along the ground? But it reminds me of the time in Hogmeade back in Third year. I still don't forgive you for that, Potter/

My pride was hurt...he always hurts my pride. Another reason to hate him. I crawl over to sit next to him; I can smell him now, I'm so close, I can see every little speck of colour in his eyes. But I say nothing.

He turns to me; I've said nothing, but I guess I made enough noise in moving, "Maybe there's parts of him that you don't know yet."

I'm getting soft, must be. Why am I talking to Potter like this? There *are* deeper layers of myself that I haven't shown him, haven't shown anyone. I cant look weak. Malfoys aren't weak.

**

Part of Malfoy that I don't know... Like playing in the Dark Arts since he was a child? I already knew that much. He's sitting next to me now, so I stretch out my legs and put my hands next to me. 

"Malfoy hates me, always has. That's all I need to know." It's a bit disturbing, talking to someone you can't see. I turn back to the wall opposite us. Why won't he tell me who he is? The wall in quite interesting now as I stare at it, trying to unravel his identity. He whispers something soft and low, and I cant make out a single word.

Should I talk to this boy? Tell a complete stranger my secrets that I am only now beginning to understand for myself? Something slithery and familiar touches my hand; an Invisibility Cloak. It's impossible to mistake its feel, especially now that I have been using one myself for several years.

"Do you think, maybe," a cold hand slips over mind, and I must fight back a blush as he goes on. "That maybe Slytherins and Gryffindors should get along a bit better?" 

His hand is cold, like a marble statue; I look down to see it clasped hesitantly around mine, a pale, disembodied hand that ends just below the wrist. His skin is so cold, but it makes me feel warmer inside. Should Slytherins and Gryffindors get along better? I certainly think so, and I tell him this. 

His whisper is close to my ear this time as he turns our hands palm-to-palm, lacing our fingers together, "DO you mind?"

I don't think he's really asking permission; I can feel his cool flesh warming in my hand. I don't suppose it matters, its just a hand, after all, right? I see Parvati and Lavender holding hands all the time, but everyone knows that Lavender is 'secretly' in love with Seamus. So it doesn't really mean anything, right?

"I don't mind. Though, still, I don't know who you are. I'd like to at lest know the name of the person who fancies me, but I don't even know that." I'm told I bite my bottom lips when I'm nervous, a habit I picked up over the summer before Fifth year. My lip must be quite red by now.

He closes his fingers tighter around mine in almost a possessive way, "Oh? Don't you?'

**

Quite thick, isn't he? 

What am I doing? What the hell am I thinking? Make him want me, then break his heart. Yes, that sounds good. Break his heart so badly that he kills himself. 

How wonderful; I'll be directly responsible for the death of the Boy Who Lived. Father will be happy, potter will be dead, and Voldemort will finally come into power. 

But...I don't really want that to happen. I don't want Voldemort in power. I don't even really want to be a Death Eater.

Potter's hand squeezes mine a bit...I wonder if I can squeeze his enough to break the bones? But what would be the point? He would only go to Pomfrey to get it healed, and then forget about it within a few days. 

I want to hurt him so badly that he never forgets it. I want it to haunt him at night, never relenting, even when he's old and ready to die. I want him to dream at night of me, and wake up screaming.

I think...yes, it would be quite easy. That's why I'm holding his hand, of course. Because I can hurt him this way. We hate each other, but I can make him love me.

I'm good at games of the mind. I can act; I can make him love me, then break him. I think I like this game, though it must remain a secret. Can't have people thinking I really like Potter, can I? 

But I can do this. I can play this game, and I can win.

**

What is he doing? What is he thinking? A habitual glance at my watch reveals nothing; it's been broken for ages. But as far as I can figure, it must be around three or four in the morning. 

What did he mean? Could it be that I was right after all? But...why would Malfoy do this? Why would he hold my hand like this?

I wonder if...

I can feel him go stiff as I lay my head down just where his shoulder should be. Luckily I guesses right; he seems about my height, which is odd, because I'm still so very short. Even most Fourth years are taller than I am. The closest person to my height in our year is Malfoy, and even he has a few more centimetres than I do. 

Eventually he relaxes and gives my hand a small squeeze. I rather like this feeling; having someone I can lean on and talk to without having to worry about them not liking me or liking me for the wrong reasons. Though...I still don't know who he is. 

I close my eyes, and I think I must have fallen asleep, because after a bit I can feel him shaking me. I sit up again, blinking my eyes sleepily.

"Wake up, Potter. Breakfast is soon, so we should be going."

I pout. Breakfast; who needs it? 

"Close your eyes," he whispers to me. 

Should I? I've had my guard down all night, haven't I? Maybe he'll finally show himself to me? I'm still fairly sure that it is--

His cool hand caresses me cheek just as I close my eyes, and soft, warm lips press to mind. He tastes nice...a bit like mint chocolate and butterbeer. I open my eyes to just the tiniest slits; silver. 

I'm not too sure if I like this or not. The kiss I like, but... It's over too soon, and the lips are gone. 

Judging by the rustle of robes and the soft pounding of feet, so it he. 

**

I don't stop til I'm safely in my bed, covers pulled up over my head. Oh Hell. What did I just do, and who is the evil person that took over my body?

He...I...oh Hell. I just kissed Harry Potter. 

And it was nice. His lips were soft and he was warm and I want to do it again. 

Mission aborted, all wizards for themselves. Its not a game anymore, everything is changed now. 

But he doesn't know that it was me. As long as he doesn't know that it was me, I'll be ok. If he ever found out...the whole school would peg me for a pouffe. And he...would hate me more, wouldn't he? 

I dread breakfast, only an hour away. No sleep makes Draco a very fussy boy. If I were home now, house elves would be flying. Draco kicks things when he's upset.

I might as well go down now, as there's no chance of sleep today. Maybe not tomorrow, either. I don't think I can ever sleep again, knowing the things that I know now.

A lengthy shower and making myself presentable only takes half of an hour...maybe I wont be the first one down. Or even better, maybe I was off, and breakfast is already over.

No such luck; people are already straggling in and slumping down at their tables. Mostly Ravenclaws who have probably been up with their noses in books for hours already.

Pumpkin juice, milk, eggs, toast...I can't taste a thing. None of it compares to...no. Not thinking about that. Not thinking about his lips on mine, as it will never happen again.

Because I still hate him.

Toast...that's all I look at until the owls arrive, thousands of wings fluttering overhead. My own owl doesn't show up, but just as the owls are leaving, a school owl drops a roll of parchment in front of me, right into my half-eaten toast. 

What? Who's sending me something by school owl? Why didn't they use mine, she's in the owlery? 

I pull at the thin red string that holds the scroll together and unroll it. The green ink is in a hand that I don't know, but I'd be a fool not to recognize the initials scrawled at the bottom of the page:

__

I don't hate you, either.

-H.J.P

Owari! ^-^

v.1.0: 1.24.02

v.2.0: 8.20.02

Heehee...Leaves things wide open for a sequel, doesn't it? ^__^ Well, I wouldn't be looking for one nay time soon...I've got *way* too many other fics that I'm working on to start yet another one. x.x Add to that- I'm going half-way across the country for University...its scary!! Less than 24 hours now, and I'll be there. T-T 

I must thank my muses, who actually stuck by me the whole time I was writing this. I'm so proud of them. ^-^ And everyone who has actually kept up with this fic...you guys are so great. T-T ::hugs everyone and hands out chocolate-covered...erm...everyone!:: 

Keep reading my stuff, even if you don't like the pairings! XD Who knows, maybe it'll convert you! I've already turned a close friend of mine into a Draco-ite, and gotten several people to enjoy Fred&George. ^^; who knows, next, I might go for Pansy...though I'll have to get myself to like her, first. x.x And...watch out for my newest toy; 'The Adventures of Slut!Draco'! Its a little funny, a little angsty, and a lot dirty. ^__^ And...'My Bloody Valentine' which is...just really angsty. ^^ And will be out *before* Valentines Day! XD

Ooh! And--if you want to read any of my stuff before it actually gets finished and/or posted, join SlytheirnDungeons@Groups.Yahoo.com. I frequently post up stories that either aren't finished or never will be finished, and its the *only* ML that will ever see my Harry Potter fics. ^^; 

Ok then, I'm going to stop going on about myself. Grr, I'm starting to sound like Lockhart. . Not good , not good!! Review! flame! Anything! XD I love you guys!


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